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Comedian, talk show host and ice road trucker. My tweets are real, and they’re spectacular.

39,322 Following   31,729,963 Followers   9,267 Tweets

Join Twitter 8/14/08

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This was a life-changing surprise. Thanks, @DrPepper. #LaughDanceSponsor http://t.co/Vv2Y4Lbe8EWe all know how school photos go - you get dressed up, you take the shot, you wait to get them, and then you get this http://t.co/6t9ueVtgXeAdorkable. @ZooeyDeschanel http://t.co/sPUEijjMCUAfter my “Anaconda” video, some people thought my butt wasn’t all me. Today, I tackled Bootygate head on. http://t.co/TA8UbBLlAz
9/16
2014
American Ninja Warrior: USA vs The World is on NBC tonight! I can’t decide who to root for. I’m from both of those places.#Teamusher remember to watch @TheEllenShow at 4pm ET today to find out more about my upcoming #URXTOUR
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresToday I ushered in a new segment - Who’s in My Bushes? You won’t believe who was in them today. http://t.co/yEKdXc1blvIt was 107 degrees in Los Angeles yesterday. That can only mean one thing - Time for Pumpkin Spice Lattes!Kristen Wiig and I are the last two people on Earth who don’t know the lyrics to “Let It Go.” But that didn’t stop us http://t.co/Phixx3runu
9/15
2014
Why did the man eat yeast and shoe polish before going to bed? He wanted to rise and shine. #ClassicJokeFridayYou really are a ninja warrior RT @AllisonBJanney: Watch @TheEllenShow today as Anna and I have fun taking on the American Ninja Warrior...Why do teenagers always go out in odd numbers? Because they can’t even. #ClassicJokeFridayApparently you can’t pull anything over on this kid. #ApparentlyKid https://t.co/tJU1Oqxiz9What are the 3 types of movements in a cha-cha? Forward, backward, and awkward. #ClassicJokeFriday
9/12
2014
Apparently, Noah Ritter is one incredibly special boy. Seriously. https://t.co/zhQjQxt76eHappy #ThrowbackThursday http://t.co/exJ8olwdcy.@HarryConnickJr turns 47 today! Happy birthday. I just tweeted to say I love you.Send a little extra love into the world today, and remember why we need it. #NeverForget #911Anniversary
9/11
2014
Nicki Minaj and I played a fun game together. This is the first time I'm using this, but #NSFW https://t.co/OysBadOANwI can't wait to meet you RT @ShawnMendes: Im going to be on Ellen !!! http://t.co/vYYP7Rj2FGIt was no treble at all. RT @Meghan_Trainor: So insane that I got to meet @TheEllenShow and sing on her show! Best day of my life!...There’s bad news about #ClassicJokeWednesday on my show today, but great news about #YoureWelcomeWednesday right here http://t.co/VKj9SMSAmeHappy birthday, Arnold Palmer! I hope your birthday is equal parts magic and lemonade.
9/10
2014
My Anaconda don’t. My Anaconda don’t. My Anaconda video is finally here. http://t.co/vquXlQx6sCSo excited for the Apple Watch. For centuries, we’ve checked the time by looking at our phones. Having it on your wrist? Genius. #AppleLiveHappy birthday, @AdamSandler! I hope you do something that makes you happy. And is also very funny. And with Drew Barrymore. And you film itCan’t wait to see @U2 at the #AppleEvent. I wonder if they’re announcing the iWatch. I watch. You too?Happy birthday, @EricStonestreet! Yesterday, Portia and I were walking down a stone street and we thought of you. There was a dog named Eric
9/9
2014
Your ice bucket challenge was wonderful. I'm changing your name to Kim Kardashian Wet. RT @KimKardashian: Tune in tomorrow to watch me...So excited for @ninjawarrior tonight on NBC! I love it. That’s why I asked for my own course. Seriously. My guests this week are in for it.Edgar, my Oscars pizza guy, brought lunch for my staff! He has a new restaurant in Silverlake called Wood Handcrafted Pizza. It’s amazing.Send me an ugly cry photo. RT @ameliagermain Today is the start of Season 12 on @TheEllenShow! Bring on the belly laughs and ugly cries...Wait ’til you see what I have planned. Love, Your #1 Girl. RT @apelag My number one girl is back. I've missed you best friend @TheEllenShow#ALSIceBucketChallenge #IDidIt #WheresMyTowel https://t.co/jkGU1pdLnKThat's sweet. @Beyonce made me a sign for my premiere. Thanks, B. http://t.co/fyd2q0RFMUHappy birthday, @Pink! I’m celebrating your birthday on my show today! The signs say “Season 12 Premiere Show," but that’s just a typo.I'm very happy to hear that Neil Patrick Harris got married! He's a wonderful gay.Look who's on my show today! @billboard http://t.co/Co4WmcUlbuCongratulations to Prince William and Duchess Catherine! They’re expecting their second baby. I hope they go for Will and Kate plus 8.
9/8
2014
Season 12 starts tomorrow! http://t.co/xAyGTPWIwS
9/7
2014
Uh oh. I probably should've told them to take the ferry instead. https://t.co/ZqKaD9UhbzLook who’s backstage ready to kick off my premiere week. @ChanningTatum! Shame about his looks http://t.co/jINxJfOUCRThis might be the best selfie @KimKardashian ever takes. 2 more days to Premiere Week! https://t.co/OyojirRP65“Sophia Grace & Rosie’s #RoyalAdventure” is on Nick tonight @ 8! Set your DVRs & your Tivos & your Snapchats. I know what you kids are up to
9/6
2014
I took @CarbajalPhoto’s Ice Bucket Challenge, but that wasn’t the only surprise I had for him. https://t.co/mPMnWbTASEI love this one. I wanna see more! RT @JaclynNews #wheniwakeup i emotionally reunite with my phoneOh @TheEllenShow come on down to my show darling! You better walk! 👏👏Love ya dancing queen💃💃@MBfashionweek Xox💋💋 http://t.co/LNZM4AGI3j
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresI did it! I took the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge! You’re on, @KimKardashian and @Beyonce! https://t.co/b0K90m7iyJ3 years ago I met two girls from the UK. Saturday, their first movie, “Sophia Grace & Rosie’s #RoyalAdventure,” premieres on Nickelodeon!What has 8 legs, a tail, and over 7 million views on YouTube? http://t.co/TH8IPGZ17OTweet what u do when u wake up. Start with #WhenIWakeUp & tell me what u do! I’ll start. #WhenIWakeUp I think of fun things to do on TwitterI love New York Fashion Week. #NYFW http://t.co/m6REjDSZya.@StJude is an amazing place. I am so thankful for what they do for kids. Follow them. Support them. Join the fight. http://t.co/vMAOA0qqtr
9/5
2014
#HappyBirthdayBeyonce #TBT http://t.co/1En1FcQLeSPackers vs. Seahawks tonight! Football season is back! I’m dusting off my pom-poms. That didn’t sound right.The Sophia Grace and Rosie movie is adorable, and this weekend it’s premiering on @NickelodeonTV! Set your DVRs for Saturday night at 8pm.Joan Rivers will always be a pioneer. She paved the way for a lot of comedians. I’m very sad she’s gone. http://t.co/i1uE9fyHMh
9/4
2014
Can we just count the ways this makes me happy? Starting with @TheEllenShow in her #anaconda wardrobe?! http://t.co/NQgNdGZslZ
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresThis is happening. 5 more days until the season premiere. #Anaconda http://t.co/6XeCXmSL3o.@AdamLevine @BlakeShelton @GwenStefani & @Pharrell are on Monday! Before we see who wins The Voice, see who won this http://t.co/I2nxdwBkmyYeah, @haroldelicado. Who doesn't? RT @KatieHeigl: Who doesn't enjoy @TheEllenShow ? Love her! RT @haroldelicado: do you enjoy the Ellen...What do you call 4 dolls waiting in line? A barbiecue #ClassicJokeWednesday
9/3
2014
I’m starting something new. It's called “You’re Welcome: by Ellen DeGeneres." Here’s the first one. You’re welcome. http://t.co/UxvZ3C7EvJ6 Days and counting! #SeasonPremiere http://t.co/DjIvczckeBLabor Day was really fun. Every wknd should be 3 days. We can still have 5 workdays, we'll just add a day on the end. We'll call it Flursday
9/2
2014
.@carrieunderwood is expecting her first baby! Congratulations, Carrie and Mike. This is what Labor Day is all about..@NickiMinaj. @KimKardashian. @IGGYAZALEA. They all have one huge thing in common. They're on my premiere week! Starting one week from todayOne week and counting to premiere! Happy Labor Day. http://t.co/SdybvdCqIC
9/1
2014
I think we should all pull over for a moment to reflect on the meaning of Labor Day. Especially if you’re on the 405 heading North right nowHaters gonna hate, but not this kid. https://t.co/a3F84mVDKRI love @katyperry. Clearly, I'm not alone. http://t.co/Jjx4dyDZo9I just found out Hello Kitty isn’t a cat. She does appear to have whiskers. I’m not judging. I’m just piecing this all together for myself.
8/29
2014
11 days until the season 12 premiere! I can’t wait for September 8th. http://t.co/p0T8a7kypGHappy #ThrowbackThursday http://t.co/n8gUMckLbNI’m thinking about you, @Joan_Rivers, and sending lots of love your way.Brad & Angelina got married! It was a very intimate ceremony with family & close friends. At least that's what the bouncer out front told meI’ll miss @DianeSawyer on the news every night. Now I’ll only hear from her when she calls to tell me what happened on “Pretty Little Liars”
8/28
2014
Soon, some very exciting people will be walking through this door and onto my stage. #Hyperlapse http://t.co/QsR4S3CNCNWhat did the sheep say when all of his friends left without him? What the flock?! #ClassicJokeWednesday@kristobellerose That’s sweet. You don’t have to wait much longer!This little piggy went viral. Adorable. http://t.co/a03hZqiZQ1What’s the most popular sitcom in the ocean? Tuna Half Men #ClassicJokeWednesday
8/27
2014
I had a great time shooting this with @ChelseaHandler. Interesting fact - her breasts are pixilated in real life. https://t.co/PwoAsYAn8XThat baby is too dang cute! RT @drewbrees The best selfie ever!Happy National Dog Day! http://t.co/B2kzZJFgcpThanks, @VanstoneL! Now, if you could just send me the cat, we’ll be all set.It's Melissa McCarthy’s birthday! How are the post offices still open?This cockatoo is the Oprah of biscuits. You get a biscuit! You get a biscuit! EVERYBODY GETS A BISCUIT! http://t.co/N8kAz4KWsk
8/26
2014
Congratulations, "Modern Family!" They said America wasn’t ready, but you proved them wrong. Of course, I’m talking about @SofiaVergara.It's an amazing night for @BreakingBad_AMC. Congratulations! I can't wait for next season.Way to go, @OfficialJLD! Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series. Such a great category. I’m so proud that a woman won. #Emmys.@AllisonBJanney takes home another Emmy! Wonderful. I added it to her Tinder profile.Somebody get this parrot a motorcycle jacket. http://t.co/Pj9iftYvqwGood luck tonight, @SethMeyers! If you get nervous, just picture everyone naked. Based on the outfits at the VMAs, it shouldn't be hard.Happy birthday, Ben Falcone! I’m giving ya the gift of reminding you that your wife, Melissa McCarthy’s birthday is tomorrow. You’re welcomeI need to teach my cats this. Right now they’re working on putting the cap back on the toothpaste. http://t.co/LTjV1tJzSh
8/25
2014
Hoping that everyone involved in the Napa #earthquake is okay. Thank you to all the incredible rescue workers.
8/24
2014
Happy #CatVideoFriday! #TGIF http://t.co/Bk2ZZEINCIFXX is airing #EverySimpsonsEver. I can’t wait for my episode. I’ll see you August 31st at 3:30am!Happy biirthday, Kristen Wiig!
8/22
2014
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