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Empire's News Editor, host of the Empire Podcast, and all-round Q&A-hole. It's ok. I wouldn't follow me either.

665 Following   18,536 Followers   42,663 Tweets

Join Twitter 2/11/09

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@ChrisHewitt I bet you can't buy many spiders with £150 these days, especially from Waitrose
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@ChrisHewitt I saved money on my comparable spiders because I shop as AsDAAAGGGGHHHHH
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@tokyo_sexwhale Obviously. Mango? Man go? Man die? All men must die? It's only a short leap.If I found a deadly spider in my shopping, I'd expect at least a million NectARGH points. NectARGH! Hahahaha! Because I shop at Sainsbury's.@gray It was a substitute for the spitting cobra that was out of stock.@tokyo_sexwhale Fruit can turn on us all in a second.'Sorry we almost killed you with a deadly spider. Have some shopping vouchers.' http://t.co/mBbP3OZsTrI defiantly hate it when people misspell definitely.Might nip down to this London Film Festival thing, check out some movies. I hear that Imitation Game might be good.Day off tomorrow, so I can stay up late and watch an episode of Columbo. Like I do every bloody night.Missed connection: you were on sale for $1.98. Someone else grabbed you before I could. Oh also you're an avocado
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt
Just watched a porno about box office bloggers. Cume everywhere. #sorry #sosorryJust finished page 2 of my 'Allo 'Allo script. Basically, Rene's scratching himself behind the bar but Gruber thinks he's having a wank.@kennybell11 "Right you are!" I'll reply, quick as a flash.@Norwichbooks I'm typing this on the toilet. Only came in for a pee but as I can't stand up, I thought fuck it, might as well tweet.@UpturnedBathtub Hang in there, sir. That passport thing sucks, but you'll get round it.2015 will definitely be the year when I start to consider the possibility of maybe deciding to think about having a go at stand-up. In 2016.@anathmatician I think they'll be ok. Yes, the Edgar/Ant-Man situation is worrying, but they're still making a movie that's a HUGE risk.I just told the boys to 'mark Balotelli!'. I don't think they noticed. Phew, that was close. And also, I think they could mark Balotelli.@jamiesont SAVE STAN LEE FROM THAT COSTUMED MANIAC!@ChrisHewitt snap! In a sex dungeon shouting the same instructions.
Retweeted by Chris HewittLuckily, every time I yell stuff it seems to match with what's happening on screen, so I'm getting away with it so far. 'SHOOT AN IRON MAN!"My nephews are playing Lego Marvel now. My role is to yell 'change into Banner!' or 'pull that lever!' every three minutes.They're putting me to shame. I can barely insult people in my first language, let alone my second.My two little nephews are over from France. So far they've established that I'm a "stupid idiot" and I can shut my butt. Hard to disagree.@anathmatician Guardians Of The Galaxy, Ant-Man and Doctor Strange say no.@kathynerissa @Loki_Lego I suspect foul play. Possibly Tesseract-related.Fury bags number one at the US box office with $23.5 million. That's a great opening... IN 1996! Hahahahaha! *high fives* #boxofficehumour@Loki_Lego HOW DO YOU DO THIS SO QUICKLYHardly surprising that Own Goal gets two for Southampton yesterday, and is a Liverpool player today.
Retweeted by Chris HewittI've asked my Ocado delivery driver to go round the block and then knock again because I don't think my neighbours saw him arrive.
Retweeted by Chris HewittGetting really worried about Gio Compare. Has anyone checked on him recently?Thanks for all the Xbox One recommendations. Reckon I'll stick with Lego Marvel. *continues to play FIFA relentlessly*Looking for Xbox One games suitable for young children (4-8) that would be good for two players. Any thoughts? Got FIFA and Lego Marvel.@smellyems Also advisable.Here are some Gizmo underpants. Don't get them wet. http://t.co/Ctsmhb9gZPI'd be surprised if @NickdeSemlyen didn't have this already... #Gremlins http://t.co/8p1EzTI1Rp
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@DanielaPhillips @NickdeSemlyen @ollyog Bagsy the right arm. No, wait, that sounds wrong.@DanielaPhillips @NickdeSemlyen @ollyog $85!!! Suddenly my interest has diminished.@DanielaPhillips @NickdeSemlyen @ollyog Oh. My. God. Where???
I have written some good songs. Don’t ever apologise to your hip friends for liking them. They’ll be singing them in a karaoke bar someday.
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@hiddlestigress I also accept groats.THIS IS SATURDAY NIGHT. http://t.co/Ofo74f43KP@BenSFletcher Fee's gone up for an attitude like that, pal. £2000.If you want more great tweets like that, don't forget to subscribe to my Twitter service. It's just £2 a tweet, or an annual fee of £1500.ICYMI, that was a tweet intentionally confusing the 2014 Russian film, Leviathan, with the 1989 Peter Weller shitfest of the same name.Leviathan picks up another award - Best Film at the LFF. About twenty-five years too late - am I right, Daniel Stern? http://t.co/GcExo2wGNk@NickdeSemlyen Great. I think.@NickdeSemlyen Line of the year. How's it going, neighbs? Have you reached your goal?@stuarthazeldine Can't imagine you'll have too much bother tomorrow either. #glasshalfempty@BeardedGenius Yep, but I'm very upset about this no Envy thing. I'm writing to all available MPs.Just found my Best Of Ash CD, and been reminded that it doesn't include Envy. I need to bring this matter to the highest authority possible.@Dr_Stripe I remain convinced if Mannone hadn't palmed that Man City equaliser into his own net, we'd have won the title. THANKS A BUNCH.@Dr_Stripe One game at a time. When do you play Liverpool? There's three points right there.@ChrisHewitt You’re the absolute bestest at being shit.
Retweeted by Chris HewittOr this. #hardline RT @SomethingEva: @ChrisHewitt I think you are awesome and I will follow you forever.I'm definitely not retweeting this. RT @normanblake: @ChrisHewitt wise words from my favourite legend ;-)I'm sure my hardline stance on retweeting praise would be sorely tested if I ever got any.@anathmatician I'm wrong? But that's what I'm saying too. But I'm saying that I'd rather they didn't rush it and get it horribly wrong.@DannyHolmes93 I was weak. It was a moment of weakness.Sunderland haven't conceded a goal for over five hours. Things are looking up.@Gary_Bainbridge I'm stealing that.@DavidWDougan Damn, that's good.There should be a word for that feeling when you want to contribute to a popular hashtag, but you're afraid someone's already had your idea.@Koptalkpodcast Maybe next Friday?Always joyous: Hugh Laurie's perfect takedown of Rachel, during her Worst Person Alive arc on Friends. http://t.co/m1Qo0FwfEpTorn asunderland. #footballtweet #topical"Pvt Joker! I like you. You can come over to my house and eat my nuts!" @RLeeErmey #FullMetalJacket http://t.co/28F1oAdMNb
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@irnstu89 Ah! I'm more used to people telling me to shut up about Marvel and comic books.@irnstu89 Point taken, but in fairness there was a lot of stuff to discuss this week.@Koptalkpodcast 1-3 against QPR (I'm going to look so stupid when they win) and here's where I look really daft: 2-1 against Real.Just saw a guy with a pierced Brosnan. Kids these days.@PhileasSkunk @HuffPostUKCom I'd like to thank Paul Hewson, Dave Evans and the other two.Always be careful when picking a domain name. http://t.co/9v1Jmtz3Am
Retweeted by Chris HewittWent to bed thinking about another man's leg. Woke up thinking about that same leg. Don't follow football, kids. You'll become a monster.Who blons a dumb de now, eh? WHO BLONS A DUMB DE NOW? http://t.co/9l4QRKf4Vr
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@HoMPodcast My father thanks you, my mother thanks you, my sister thanks you and I thank you.@AlixiaBuffiere Thanks!@jimmycatton Can you explain the question in a little more detail, please? Not sure I quite get it.@BC23 Maybe. You never know. I think both Marvel and DC could withstand one flop, but two would surely have a serious impact.Feast your peepers on the official BIG EYES poster: http://t.co/eCEvTGqltQ
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@MysteryBritExec @kerihw @sacha_is_good @staypuft It's ok, I've unfollowed and blocked and reported for spam and called a priest.@The_Shiznit @MysteryBritExec Lavender scent.@HylandIan Only the one played by Charlie Bronson makes it back. It's not a game for the faint hearted.@thomashowson I was, and I am! What a place. They've got everything you could dream of, if you dream of soup and Frosties.@MysteryBritExec @kerihw @sacha_is_good @staypuft Thanks! But I've just followed this Chris Hewitt fella, and he's clearly a massive tool.@McKelvie I've never been. I must go. *books a week's holiday*@HisHiddleness Ha! I still have that flask knocking around somewhere.I have never been happier. #BigSainsburys http://t.co/pGUW3NP69I@JamesDrury Not bad. A little quiet/SHOUTY formulaic, maybe. Bit worried about this album - hope the concept doesn't overwhelm the songs.@The_Shiznit Sometimes you hurt with your words.@shrewdkitty Big Sainsbury's, though. None of this Sainsbury's Local nonsense. That's for the plebs.@garydbales *bows*@JayCoyle Did that at karaoke last week. Surprisingly hard to sing. Hats off to Dennis.@whitniverse Every day's a gift.@gray @The_Shiznit I could do this aldi.Just hooked up with Dennis Waterman on Mindr.@The_Shiznit Don't be daft. That's Tesco Metro.@brendangered Noyes.@UpturnedBathtub A ha'penny for a bridge? That's a great deal! Oh, the stand-up thing. That's pretty good as well, I guess.
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